Hello there Mr. ________________ (Surname of Fellow or Lady in Room). Did you burn a ________________ (Shape) in my lawn last night by any chance? And you wouldn’t know anything those pictures of ________________ (Plural Body Part) that have been showing up in my mailbox? Oh, must have been ________________ (Ryan Seacrest). No, Really. First, it was your ________________ (Animal) ________________ing (Verb) on my porch. Then, you put that stupid ________________ (Mythical Creature) lawn ornament right in the middle of my front yard. Wait, wait, what are you holding? Put that ________________ (Household Object) down. Is that even yours? Did you steal that from my kitchen? Listen up, Pal: I’m watching you, you ________________ (Adjective) bastard. I’ve got more cameras on you than ________________ (Reality Television Program). If you should so much as ________________ (Verb) one more of my ________________ (Plural Nouns), I swear to God I will break your ________________ (Human Bone) you sick ________________-fuck (Noun). If you ever do this again, I’m calling the cops.

OK, Sir, SIR, I can see that you’re currently on fire. I’m here to ________________ (Verb) you. This would be a lot ________________ (Comparative Adjective) if you stopped thrashing for a second. Sir, I know your ________________ (Body Part) must be really hot, but I need you to ________________ (Sensory Verb) me right now. I’ve been a Fireman for ________________ (Number) years, after all. You wouldn’t believe it, but this is only the ________________ (Ordinal Number) time I’ve ever seen someone completely engulfed in flames. Wow, your ________________ (Noun) is just melting in my hand. I thought that only happened on ________________ (Title of Popular Television Drama). This is the ________________ (Superlative Adjective) ________________ (Expletive Noun) I’ve ever seen. Do you have any ________________ (Liquid) on the premises? Just stop, drop, and ________________ (Verb). Please, Sir, I’m also an Emergency Medical ________________ (Occupation). I think I know what I’m talking about. You’ll still have plenty of skin when this is over.

OH MY GOD!!!!! I was ________________ing (Verb) my ________________ (Noun) and I dropped the ________________ (Plural Noun) on the ________________ (Flammable Object)!!! OHHHH MYY GOODDDD! For ________________’s (Expletive) sake my ________________ (Body Part) is melting!! Call ________________ (Name of Fellow or Lady in Room) !!! What’s WRONG with you?!!! NO I DON’T HAVE ANY FIRE EXTINGUISHERS!!! ________________ (Deity) !!!! PUT ME OUT!!! Just put some water in the ________________ (Household Object) and THROW IT AT ME!!! OH!! OH!! Do you ________________ (Sensory Verb) that? That’s my HAIR burning!!! Why hasn’t help arrived yet??!! Don’t stand there like I have ________________ (Food) on my face!! It’s not ________________ (Previous Food)!!!! IT’S FIRE!!!!! PLEASE, my ________________ (Item of Clothing) is melting to my SKIN!!! Is that a fireman at the door??!!

OK, Who Ate Cheese Puffs and Then Used My ________________ (Electronic Device)? I know we have a kind of ________________ (Adjective) atmosphere in this office, but there has to be limits. Ever since we got that vending machine, everyone’s been ________________ing (Verb) snacks and loving it. I’m not trying to be a ________________ (Noun) here. I’ve been known to enjoy ________________ (A Snack Product) from time to time. But how often do you come back from lunch to find ________________ (Color) crumbs defiling your workspace? It hurts productivity and it hurts feelings. Today, I had just returned from a really ________________ (Adjective) meeting, and I had to call ________________ (Name of Lady or Fellow in Room) from IT to come clean my keyboard because it was so crummy. (Ha, LOL!)

But seriously guys. Listen, I am not your ________________ (Family Member). This is your final warning. If this goes on, I’ll have no recourse but to have Physical Plant ________________ (Verb) the machine on the ________________ (Ordinal Number) floor.

— ________________ (Name of Your Boss)

To Whom It May Concern:

I, ________________ (Full Name of Fellow or Lady in Room) am writing to petition you to bring an end to the monstrosity that is Shark Week. Sharks are really scary. I was watching your “Sharks ________________ (Verb): Terrors from the Deep” program and I wrecked my ________________ (Piece of Furniture) because I spilled a huge steaming bowl of ________________ (Food). There was another show where this ________________ (Animal) Shark jumped at least ________________ (Number Larger Than 20) feet out of the water. Most of your programs feed on the fear of hardworking Americans just trying to get by. Terrorism, gas prices, ________________ (Plural Noun) and now Sharks? WHAT NEXT? Your show “Sharks in the ________________ (Body of Water)” frightened me so much I’m too afraid to go to the pool. What if there’s a ________________ (Color) Shark hiding in my bathtub right now? Are you willing to take responsibility for that? I don’t believe my ________________ (Latin Word or Phrase) Insurance Company’s Life Policy covers ________________ (Plural Noun) OR shark attacks. Also, Suzie, a friend of mine, told me that sharks have ________________ (Very Large Number) teeth and will hide in your pipes until you go to sleep. Now I have to hire a Shark Exterminator. How dare you award valor to these ________________ (Adjective) cartilage beasts! Just the other day Ryan Seacrest, from ________________ (Any Contemporary Reality Television Program), was attacked and bitten on the toe! They’re even after our entertainment professionals! This week must not continue!

Sincerely, ________________ (Previous Full Name)

]]> http://radlibs.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/why-sharks-scare-me-an-open-letter-to-discovery-channel/feed/ 0 jessohackberry http://radlibs.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/let-me-tell-you-about-this-fancy-hat-i-just-bought/ http://radlibs.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/let-me-tell-you-about-this-fancy-hat-i-just-bought/#comments Wed, 30 Jul 2008 04:24:58 +0000 Andrew http://radlibs.wordpress.com/?p=11 ]]> ________________ (Decade)
________________ (Adverb)
________________ (Adjective)
________________ (Endangered Species)
________________ (Number)
________________ (Former Beverly Hills 90210 Actor)
________________ (Sub-Saharan African Nation)
________________ (Number Less Than 10)
________________ (Sensory Verb)
________________ (Number)
________________ (Country)
________________ (Adjective)
________________ (Number)
________________ (Currency)
________________ (Verb)

Look at my head. No, LOOK at my HEAD. It’s not my late-________________ (Decade) hairstyle that I want you to notice, but rather this ________________ (Adverb) ________________ (Adjective) FANCY hat. Let’s take a moment here. Are you familiar with the ________________ (Endangered Species)? Well, good, because it took ________________ (Number) of them just to make the brim. Yeah, you may have seen ________________ (Former Beverly Hills 90210 Actor) rolling with this. You might be asking yourself: what kind of feather is this? FYI: that’s because it’s from ________________ (Sub-Saharan African Nation) and only ________________ (Number Less Than 10) people even have it. Can you ________________ (Sensory Verb) this craftsmanship? Yeah. This liner, It took ________________ (Number) small children from ________________ (Country) to weave this. Do you even know how much that ________________ (Adjective) stitching costs? Seriously, I won’t be paying rent for months. It cost me ________________ (Number) ________________ (Currency) to get this. Seriously. OK, tell me what you think.

Wait, WAIT, are you blind? Because that’s the only explanation I can think of for why you’re not ________________ing (Verb) this hat.

]]> http://radlibs.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/let-me-tell-you-about-this-fancy-hat-i-just-bought/feed/ 0 andrewssohip http://radlibs.wordpress.com/2008/07/28/i-saw-u-at-that-place-m4w-31-creepsville/ http://radlibs.wordpress.com/2008/07/28/i-saw-u-at-that-place-m4w-31-creepsville/#comments Tue, 29 Jul 2008 03:38:26 +0000 Josh http://radlibs.wordpress.com/?p=6 ]]> ________________ (Unit of Time)
________________ (Emoticon)
________________ (Food Item)
________________ (Body Part)
________________ (Book Title)
________________ (Adjective)
________________ (Color)
________________ (Item of Clothing)
________________ (Color)
________________ (Item of Clothing)
________________ (Body Part, Plural)
________________ (Number)
________________ (Direction)
________________ (Precious Metal)
________________ (Day of the Week)
________________ (Adjective)
________________ (Body Part)

I just found out about this site one ________________ (Unit of Time) ago. I saw u today ________________ (Emoticon) and u were looking SMOKIN’. When I looked at u, I thought 2 myself, I want 2 eat ________________ (Food Item) off of this girl’s ________________ (Body Part). I noticed u reading ________________ (Book Title) on the train. Yeah, I had 2 read that one time. It was really ________________ (Adjective). U were wearing that hot ________________ (Color) ________________ (Item of Clothing). I was wearing the ________________ (Color) ________________ (Item of Clothing). I thought maybe our ________________ (Body Part, Plural) met for a second. I was like ________________ (Number) feet behind u and 2 the ________________ (Direction). I could feel our instant — missed, LoL — connection. Maybe we can drop Jager Bombs at Club ________________ (Precious Metal) some time…. I’m there every ________________ (Day of the Week) night after the gym…. U probably noticed my REALLY ________________ (Adjective) ________________ (Body Part)…. Hope this works, L8r L8dy

“YO ________________ (Name of Fellow or Lady In Room)! So I know you said you liked ________________ (Hobby), so I hooked you up with ________________ (Number Larger Than 20, Seriously.) Plasma Screen Monitors in your ________________ (Kind of Car). You don’t even have to watch the road. Over here, let me introduce you to my friend the ________________ (Piece of Heavy Machinery). This is the ________________ (Superlative), and most expensive ________________ (Piece of Audio/Visual Equipment) on the market today. This is so ________________ (Adjective), your ________________ (Body Part) will be ________________ing (Verb) for days. There is no one else in ________________ (Geographical Region) who has THIS. And I know you like ________________ (Plural Noun), so I put a ________________ (Noun) RIGHT IN WHERE YOUR PASSENGER SEAT USED TO BE. You said you used your ________________ (Part of Car) a lot, so I took it out and replaced it with ________________ (Useless Object). Now on to the trunk. Remember all that space you had? Well now it’s filled up with four Xbox 360s, and ________________ (Number) PLASMA SCREEN MONITORS. You can’t even see half of them. Your homies AIN’T GONNA KNOW what to do next time you roll to the mall.”

]]> http://radlibs.wordpress.com/2008/07/27/mad-mike-just-pimped-your-ride/feed/ 0 jessohackberry